HOLIDAY INTER-GENERATIONAL FILM ARGUMENT

Me: Bloody hell, I didn't know John Cassavetes was in The Dirty Dozen.

My mom: Who?

Me: That guy there.

My mom: That isn't John Cassavetes.

Me: It is.

My mom: Is that the black chap?

Me: No. That guy on the right.

My mom: That's Ty Hardin.

Me: That is not Ty Hardin. That's John Cassavetes. I've never even heard of Ty Hardin. Wait a minute. Are we talking about the black guy or the white guy?

My mom: The white guy.

Me: It's John Cassavetes.

My mom: It's Ty Hardin.

Me: HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF JOHN CASSAVETES?! Woah - look who it is! That bloke on the right is the guy Al Pacino shoots in the throat in the Godfather.

My mom: Who? - Him?

Me: No. That guy. The one on the right.

My mom: Him?

Me: Yeah.

My mom: That's not him.

Me: What do you mean that's not him? Of course it's him!

My mom: It isn't.

Me: Are we even talking about the same guy? The corrupt cop?

My mom: Yeah. Winski or whatever his name is. This guy's old. He's too old to play that cop.

Me: No he isn't - the Godfather comes five years after this! I'm going to have to Wiki this just to prove a point.

My mom: Yes. Do it now.

Astonishingly, my mom was right about Winski. I'm flabbergasted by this because, whether she's watching a black-and-white film from the dawn of talkies, or a CGI-laden modern monstrosity, will always ask, 'Is that Shirley MacLean?'

No matter what era of film-making, it's 'Is that Shirley Maclean?'

No attempt at chronology or the quality of the film stock, or the fashions the characters are wearing, or if the wide-screen format dates it after the year 2000. 

'...Is that Shirley Maclean?'

Results: 1 all. I was right about Cassavetes.

The guy in this film is not Captain McClusky from The Godfather ( Sterling Hayden ). Even after cross-checking IMDB and Wikipedia, I'm still not clear on who this guy is.

'Wait a minute,' she says. 'Is that..?'

'No it fucking isn't!'